By Cheryl Mattox Berry
After seeing the movie Think Like a Man, I couldn’t help but wonder how grown women could be so clueless about men and dating. The movie, based on the book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment by Steve Harvey, was hilarious. The movie follows four friends whose lives are upended after their ladies start following the advice in Harvey’s book.
I loved seeing so many of my favorite actors, comedians, athletes and celebrities on the silver screen. However, I kept asking myself didn’t somebody give these women advice when they were growing up. I know, it’s a movie, but real young women who’ve read Harvey’s book act like they’re hearing this stuff for the first time, too. The relationship tips in the book and movie aren’t new. They’ve been repackaged and branded for a new generation, and brought to you by a man.
During my teen years, it was your mother, cool aunt, sassy neighbor or worldly godmother who talked to you in hushed tones about boys. From the moment I smiled at a boy, one of the above told me how to act, what to think and what goes on in a boy’s head and pants. They were women (sarcasm) but somehow managed to dispense some good advice back in the day. Here are a few pearls of wisdom I received and passed along to my daughter and nieces. Compare them with advice offered in the so-called new dating bible.
Old School
v Date boys who know how to treat you nice.
v Don’t show your teeth to every boy you meet.
v You don’t have to pay attention to every boy who likes you.
v He needs to have some plans after high school.
v Don’t waste your time on a man who isn’t marriage material.
v Why would he buy the cow when he can the get milk free?
New School (Movie/Book Advice)
v He should be a gentleman.
v Men respect women who have standards.
v A man should put you first.
v Don’t judge a man based on his material possessions.
v A man should have short-term and long-term goals.
v Wait 90 days before you sleep with a man.
Comparing the two, you see that what was said a generation ago is sage advice today, the source notwithstanding. Women know how they want to be treated and should be treated, but because there is a “man drought,” they modify their way of thinking so that they can get a man. They think that if they don’t lower their expectations another woman will, and they’ll be left out in the cold.
Our girls are watching. They see the type of men their mothers and aunts settle for and the nonsense they put up with just to say they have a man. Sadly, they mimic that behavior. That’s not the message we want to send nor the life we want for them. A girl should expect to be in a healthy relationship, where she is treated with kindness and respect.
If a boy doesn’t treat you the way you think he should, don’t be afraid to walk away. You’re better off without him. There are other boys at your school, church, synagogue and in the neighborhood. Know your self-worth and demand that boys value you. In the long run, you’ll be happy knowing that you haven’t compromised your standards. You may have fewer dates as a result, but there will be less drama and self-loathing.