By Cheryl Mattox Berry
During the last week, the sad story of actress Demi Moore’s breakdown has unfolded in the media. Reports say she has been unraveling for some time, and her recent hospitalization comes on the heels of her highly publicized breakup with actor Ashton Kutcher after more than six years of marriage.
How could a beautiful woman with such talent become unglued because her marriage to a much younger man fell apart? My first thought was that Moore, who is 49, is too old to be acting like a lovesick teenager. Then, I did some digging into her background. There are so many layers to this story, but it’s apparent that Moore has self-esteem issues, probably stemming from her upbringing. Her parents were alcoholics who moved a lot and fought like cats and dogs. She dropped out of high school at age 16 to become an actress. Early in her career, Moore was treated for alcohol and substance abuse problems.
It appears that Moore never established an identity apart from being a young, beautiful actress who graced the covers of magazines. Usually, girls start sorting out who they are and what’s important to them during adolescent. If Moore had done this, I don’t think that she would have allowed herself to become an anorexic substance abuser trying to hang onto her youth and a man 16 years her junior through multiple cosmetic surgeries, tweeting nude photos of herself and dressing like she’s twenty-something.
A girl/woman who is secure doesn’t let a boy/man define her. A girl/woman who loves herself doesn’t abuse her body by withholding food and inhaling dangerous substances. Knowing your self-worth prevents you from spiraling out of control when relationships unravel and things don’t go your way. A self-confident girl/woman picks up the pieces and keeps moving after a breakup.
There will always be another girl who is prettier, smarter, funnier and more popular, but you don’t have to compete against her. You’re in a league of your own. You have qualities worthy of admiration, and you don’t need a boy to validate you. Do you know what makes you unique? Jot down the qualities that make you special. If you’re having a hard time thinking of some, ask your BFFs.
Failure to establish an identity will make you more susceptible to accepting labels others give you. That means that you’ll constantly have to live up to their expectations and demands. No one can tell you how to be you; that comes from within. If you meet a boy or girl who is controlling, drop them. You don’t have to like everyone who likes you. If for some reason you decide to end a relationship, know that it’s not the end of the world. There are lots of other BFFs and boys to be found at your school, church or synagogue.
The takeaway message from the Demi Moore saga: You’re responsible for your own happiness. Repeat: “I’m responsible for my own happiness.”