By Cheryl Mattox Berry
It’s inevitable: Someone will let you down. The person – a friend or family member – may not intend to do so, but things come up. Also, we’re human and make mistakes.
How do you deal with the hurt and anger of disappointment? Do you lash out at the offending party. Or do you pretend it’s no big deal, but sulk in private and hold a grudge.
Before you write off the person who didn’t come through for you, find out what happened. Was there an emergency or did the person simply forget? If something important came up at the last minute, the most you can fault her/him for is not having the courtesy to give you a call explaining the situation.
A forgetful person is another matter. Now you know that s/he’s not reliable, so don’t ask that person to do anything for you again. If your so-called best friends turn out to be flaky, get some new ones. What’s the point of having friends if you can’t count on them?
The person who disappointed you should apologize. Accept the apology and move on. It takes more energy to stay angry than it does to forgive. Even if s/he didn’t apologize, let it go for your sake. There’s no point in hanging onto a grudge. It doesn’t hurt the other person, and it makes you miserable whenever you see or think of her/him.
Sometimes, parents let you down, too. That can be the worst hurt of all because you expect them to be there for you. When mom and dad disappoint you, don’t be afraid to let them know how you feel. Pick a quiet moment to bring up the subject. Don’t be confrontational; speak in a calm manner. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, write a letter
If mom or dad continues to break promises, accept the fact that you can’t count on them either. It’s sad but a reality in many families. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t love them; just realize they have shortcomings. Forgive them as you would a best friend.
Forgiveness is liberating and empowering. Try it!