By Cheryl Mattox Berry
If you watched Oprah’s interview with Bobbi Kristina, you know that her world has been turned upside down by the sudden death of her mother. The loss of a parent is terrible at any age, but when you’re so young it can be devastating. Fans of Whitney Houston are wondering what will happen to this young woman. Who will take care of her and make sure she gets help so that she doesn’t spiral out of control?
Across the USA, girls like Bobbi Kristina are coping with the loss of someone important in their lives – a mother, father, grandmother and aunt who raised them. Suddenly, they find themselves adrift with no one to steer them through life’s rough waters. For a teen, the death of a parent comes at a time when she’s coping with hormonal changes, peer pressure and questions about self-worth. Losing a loved one can send a teen on an emotional roller coaster.
The grieving process can be intensified or prolonged if the relationship between parent and child was troubled, the death occurred suddenly or under violent circumstances, according to Rosalind R. Sims, a social worker. “The ability to understand the difference between intense grief and severe depression is important,” she said.
School psychologist Darah Grice Whitley, said a support system – relatives, friends and school personnel – are crucial at this time. They should encourage the teen to express her feelings and give her time and space to experience the seven stages of grief – denial, anger, rejection, guilt, bargaining, depression and disorientation. Schools also provide grief counselors. Grice said teachers are a great vessel for students who need someone to talk to when they’re feeling down.
“A teacher who is aware of a teen’s situation is more likely to pay close attention to signs and actions that are consistent with the normal level of functioning,” Whitley explained. “Teachers are a key figure in the identification of additional services the student may need.”
Sims also suggests teens:
- Join a bereavement support group
- Keep a journal
- Get plenty of rest
- Exercise regularly
- Eat nutritious food
Friends become invaluable during the grieving process. Don’t be afraid that you may not know what to say or will say the wrong thing. Be yourself and explain how you feel about what she’s going through. Assure her that you’re available anytime she needs to talk, cry or go for a walk. Call and text often, and continue to engage in routine activities. Be on the lookout for unusual behavior from your friend. If she starts self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, call her out on it. Be prepared to tell her caretaker if she ignores you and continues on a destructive path.
How long should the grieving process last? Experts say there is no time limit. No one can tell a teen when it’s time to stop feeling sad. Grief comes in waves, and healing takes place only after she has worked through her feelings. “It’s also necessary to move forward,” Sims said. “Going forward doesn’t mean that you are forgetting about the one who died. It simply means that your grief has run its course.”
Sources: Rosalind R. Sims, MSW, ACSW, LMSW, CART
Darah Grice Whitley, ED.S