By Cheryl Mattox Berry
For almost a week, the distraught parents of a Miramar, Fla., teenager searched frantically for their missing child. They believed she had been kidnapped while walking home from school. Sympathetic volunteers launched a massive door-to-door search for the honors student.
Cops found the girl hiding under the bed in a friend’s apartment. It turns out that she had run away from home. While this story had a happy ending, it could have been tragic. Teenage girls who run away often end up being crime victims. They’re easy prey for pimps and drug dealers who entice them with an offer to earn quick cash. Too often, runaways end up dead, tossed on the side of the road.
Worse case scenario aside, let’s look at the reason this girl ran away from home. She told police and the FBI that she left home because of issues with her parents. Now that she’s back home, she still has to deal with those problems. Most adults will tell you that at some point during their childhood they were at odds with their parents about something – clothing, curfew, dating, grades, etc. It’s part of growing up. You want to run your own life; your parents are trying to make sure that you don’t grow up too fast.
Running away from the problem is not a solution. You must learn how to control your anger, express your feelings and work through problems. If your parents are hard to talk to, write them a letter. Be honest in your discussions with them. Admit you’ve failed and lay out a plan to correct the problem. You can even suggest ways to punish yourself for misdeeds.
If necessary, engage a third party in your effort to communicate with your parents. Explain the situation to your grandma, an aunt or godmother, and ask them to speak on your behalf. A neutral party can get parents to see how they might have been a little heavy handed, and she can better explain to you why your behavior caused your parents to react the way they did.
When I was growing up and things got heated at home, I called my Aunt Daisy to come and get me. Running away was out of the question. I was afraid that my mother wouldn’t let me back in the house. When my brothers threatened to run away, Mom offered to help them pack. They didn’t care about being homeless, but I did. Is there someone you can call – a person your parents trust – who can get you out of the house for a few hours or overnight until tempers cool?
Meditation also helps calm your nerves. Sitting quietly and focusing on your breathing, a word or phrase helps quell the storm within and reduces negative thoughts and emotions. A workout in the gym or a 30-minute brisk walk improves your mood, too. Exercise stimulates brain chemicals that make you happy.
When you’re in a better state of mind, perhaps you can better handle issues with your parents. Remember: Keep the line of communication open. Your parents are responsible for your growth and development, and believe it or not, they have your best interest at heart.