By Cheryl Mattox Berry
My girlfriend’s two nephews are still reeling from a horrific act committed by their 53-year-old father in Sioux Falls, S.D. He shot his ex-girlfriend three times and then turned the gun on himself.
He died two weeks after the shootings in late February. His on-again/off-again girlfriend, 30, miraculously survived bullets to the chin, top of her head and temple. She underwent surgery to remove an eye, reconstruct and wire her jaw shut, and remove part of her skull.
A mother of two young children, she’ll be disfigured for the rest of her life and suffer mental and physical problems.
The shootings ended a long, toxic relationship. After she moved out of the house, they continued to needle each other. Even with a stalking protection order against him, they harassed each other. He was awaiting trial on charges of domestic abuse at the time of the shootings.
It was only after death that they parted for good. It was a violent and unnecessary end. If one of them had walked away and stayed away, they’d be alive today. Jealousy, revenge, ego and machismo got in the way.
His two grown sons, ages 26 and 27, have lost both parents. Their mother died 14 years ago. One son is confused about how his father could do such a terrible thing; the other son is angry.
Family members knew they were no good for each other but felt there nothing they could do about it. His death has forced his sons and others who knew him to examine their relationships. They don’t want to repeat the cycle of violence that destroyed him.
If you feel uneasy about how a friend or relative is being treated or how that person is acting toward his/her partner, you need to speak up. Urge the person to seek counseling and find out how they got into that bad relationship and how to get out.
You don’t want to wait until something tragic happens and blame yourself for not having that conversation. Telling yourself the person is grown and can do what he/she wants is no answer either. Sometimes, people are so caught up that they’re unaware of their behavior and need someone to tell them. Be that person.
Thanks Cheryl. I’m so sorry that this lady life has been changed for ever because of this bad relationship. I have seen domestic before. I don’t think anyone should have to live like this. The best thing to do is pray and walk away.
I’ve seen too many partners give the abuser one more chance. Also, you must remember to tell the person being abused you will be there for them, no matter what. You may not support the decision to go back to the abuser, but they need to know you love them. They don’t need to feel abandoned by everyone.
When they decide to leave there should be a safety plan. Leaving the abuser is the most dangerous time in these relationships.
Unfortunately, no matter what is done so many abusive relationships end in tragedy.
My advice, look for and heed the warning signs. Hitting once is too many times. Psychological abuse may not physically end a life , but the effects can be very harmful to the psyche.
What a delightful story and written with such emotion. I think all of us moms out there have found joy in placing our children in the leaves full of autumn color. Like you…I love trda!tionsiYou cleverly use a variety of verbs to make your story come alive for the reader. I enjoyed your ending which in a humorous way pulled it all together!
Great article. Insightful and definitely worth sharing.