By Cheryl Mattox Berry
Good news: Fewer teenage girls are having sex, and those who are sexually active use effective contraceptives. That is the word from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in a study published in the Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report.
The 2010 study found that 57 percent of female teens ages 15 through 19 had never engaged in vaginal intercourse, up from 49 percent in 1995. Of the sexually active girls, 60 percent used hormonal birth control or intrauterine devices, compared with 47 percent in the earlier study.
Hats off to the girls who are taking control of their bodies and lives. Researchers say they have benefited from sex education taught in public schools. I hope they have also seen the possibility of a brighter future if motherhood doesn’t come too early.
However, there are still too many girls engaging in unprotected sex, which not only leads to an unwanted pregnancy but sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and HIV/AIDS. Like womenfolk used to say, “Sex ain’t nothing to play with.”
More often than not, it’s sex education at school that gives girls valuable information about contraceptives. Many mothers encourage their daughters to tell them when they’re ready to start birth control, but that conversation rarely occurs. Most girls don’t want mom to know their personal business. When I broached the subject of sex with my niece, she vehemently denied she was sexually active or even thinking about it. She may not have been at the moment, but her relationship was headed in that direction if not already there.
You see, girls don’t plan to have sex. It just happens one day. One thing leads to another, and it’s over before you know it. Don’t be in denial about what you and your boyfriend are doing and where it’s leading. In case you’re not sure, here are some warning signs that sex is imminent:
- You’re spending a lot of time alone with your boyfriend.
- Each date ends with kissing and fondling
- The behavior escalates to oral sex.
- You become aroused thinking about him.
- You can’t wait to be alone with him.
If any of the above describes what is happening in your relationship, run don’t walk to the nearest family planning clinic. You need to start using birth control ASAP so that you don’t become another statistic. You can’t leave it to the boy to wear a condom because chances are he won’t. Nor can you count on him to be there when you get pregnant. (Even if you’re using birth control, you should demand that your boyfriend always wear a condom to protect yourself from STDs and HIV/AIDS.)
The life of a teen mom is nothing like what you see on reality TV. If you want to know what it’s really like, spend 24 hours with a young mother and her mother, who is often the unwilling but go-to caretaker. Note how little time she spends doing the things girls her age do. Pay careful attention to the fact that everything falls on her shoulders.
Next, talk to a teen father. Ask if he is still involved with his child’s mother and how much he gives her for child support and day care. Has his life changed since the baby was born? Not much, if at all.
Single motherhood is a life of drudgery. For teen girls, who are just starting to plot their life’s journey, it can put their dreams on hold or destroy them entirely. Think about what you want out of life. What will it take to get those things? Write them down. Keep the list handy. Refer to it often. Place that list between your thighs as a reminder to keep your legs closed.