By Cheryl Mattox Berry
Are you a closeted mean girl? I wouldn’t expect anyone to own up to being cruel, but deep down inside you know the answer.
When you think of mean girls, bullies come to mind. They use nasty comments, trickery, deceit and gossip to manipulate other girls. However, there is a lot of emotional and psychological abuse taking place among BFFs that can be worse than the physical and verbal attacks of schoolyard bullies. Jealousy and low-self esteem seem to fuel this mean streak, which closeted mean girls pass off as “just playing.”
Often, the girl on the receiving end knows something isn’t right, but she doesn’t want to admit that her friend is being intentionally unkind. She ignores the friend or laughs uncomfortably when she is the target.
Some closeted mean girls chalk up their behavior to having a strong personality. They may not even be aware of how their behavior affects their friends because nobody in the group confronts them. You are a closeted mean girl if you:
- Downplay the accomplishments of a friend all the time.
- Point out a friend’s faults when she gets compliments.
- Redirect the attention toward you when a friend is in the spotlight.
- Demand that everyone do what you like.
- Talk behind your friend’s back.
- Get angry with anyone who disagrees with you.
- Tell your friends not to talk to the person who disagrees with you.
- Lie about your friends.
- Tease a friend about a sensitive matter, knowing it upsets her.
- Take credit for something a friend did.
If you’re being treated badly by a friend, talk to her in private. Explain how her words or actions make you feel. She should apologize and promise not to do it again. If she isn’t remorseful, you should expect more of the same treatment.
The question then becomes “Why be friends with someone who is mean to you?” The answer: You shouldn’t. Your friends should treat you with love, kindness and respect, the same way you treat them. That’s not asking too much.