Keep Fears to Yourself

By Cheryl Mattox Berry

Be careful what you say around your children.

I’m not talking about disparaging remarks about other races and ethnic groups because we know our offspring tend to believe what they hear at home. I’m referring to phobias and insecurities.

Many parents unwittingly saddle their kids with their own issues, which can have lifelong consequences. For example, my mother was afraid of going to the dentist. She got anxious the day before her appointment, expressing her dislike of the drilling noise and the discomfort of keeping her mouth open for long periods of time.

After each visit, she described in detail everything that happened, from the prick of the needle to the dentist asking her to stop shaking her foot out of nervousness. I absorbed every word.

Needless to say, I grew up deathly afraid of the dentist. I scheduled routine visits and showed up on time, but I was a nervous wreck. Soon as the dentist set foot in the room, I told him that I hated coming and urged him to hurry up and finish.

It didn’t matter what the visit was for – braces, cleaning, filling, root canal or scaling – going to the dentist struck fear in my heart. I even found myself shaking my foot like my mother did during her dental work. Her anxiety became mine until this week.

For the first time in my life, I wasn’t afraid to go in for a cleaning and X-rays. I even scheduled an appointment in a couple of months to replace a filling, which I’ve put off for two years.

My bravery surprised me. It didn’t happen overnight but rather over the years. My current dentist deserves a lot of the credit. He knows how to calm me (talking about our kids and vacation spots) and lessen my anxiety (scheduling long procedures over two visits.)

Also, I reminded myself on each visit that I never had a bad experience at the dentist, and there was no reason to be scared. I would even jokingly say, “Mom, get out of my head.”

I’m relieved that this issue is behind me. Because of how my mother’s experience affected me, I made a point to not pass my fear on to my children when they were young. Do your kids a favor and keep phobias and insecurities to yourself.