By Cheryl Mattox Berry
Attention beloved, beautiful, black girls: It’s time to expand your pool of dating prospects. Yes, I’m talking about dating white and Hispanic guys. Enough with waiting around for him (the black guy) to ask you out. You see that he’s into white and Hispanic girls, so forget him.
While you’re sitting there with your lip poked out, you could be having a good time with somebody who likes and respects you. So, stop ignoring the other guys. It’s okay to date outside your race, unless you like staying home on the weekend watching reality TV shows.
Time and again, I’ve heard black mothers agonize over how their daughters don’t go out on dates because black guys don’t find them attractive. There’s no app to correct that, but you can certainly do something about it. By opening your mind to dating someone from another race or ethnic group, you expand your world. Learning about a new culture – food, music, history, religion and tradition – can be fun and exciting.
Whether a guy is black, white or brown, you have to be physically and mentally fit to dive into the dating game. The following questions will determine your readiness. Be honest.
1.) Do you look your best? Guys are attracted to a pretty package. That’s human nature. You’ll always be competing with other girls for a young man’s attention, so you have to appeal to him physically.
Take a close look at yourself. Do you need to drop 15 or 20 pounds? Obesity is a problem among teenagers. You can tell yourself all day long that a boy will have to accept you as is, but in reality, he doesn’t. And he may not. Don’t let weight keep you home alone. Get moving.
2.) How do you carry yourself in public? Young men don’t like loud, obnoxious, cussing girls. Are you attracted to guys like that? The answer is probably no. Act like a lady at all times. You never know who is checking you out.
3.) Are you ready to take charge of your social life? Don’t be afraid to ask a guy out. He may be shy about approaching you out of fear of rejection. Try a group activity first to see if you like him.
Of course, a family member or two may frown upon your decision to date a white or Hispanic guy, but explain to them that the black guys aren’t breaking down your door to ask you out. Be brave. Be bold. Step outside your comfort zone. You just may meet somebody interesting.
I’m extremely concerned when you say you’re talking to young girls and you’re asking them to see if they need to drop 15-20 pounds so they can appeal to men…
The obesity issue has been dealt with many times in this space. We’ve discussed all the reasons overweight teenage girls need to shed pounds, ranging from being healthier to feeling better about themselves to looking fabulous. Last summer, one of my teen writers wrote about her struggle to lose weight. If you’ve read previous posts, you know that I don’t sugar-coat the issues. Young men will tell you straight up that some of our black girls are overweight, and that’s a turn off. Why wouldn’t you want me to pass that along so that they can be informed and do something about it if they want to?
Agree with you about the obesity issue, but I do feel the message should be more on health and empowerment rather than about how men will perceive them… It’s good to take good care of yourself and be healthy… I guess my issue is more when the focus becomes on attracting male attention… So the end goal is the same – to be healthy.. Perhaps the motivation is different from where I see it.. Or from how I would want young girls to see it.. At least that’s the message I would want to send to my younger sister .. Dono if it makes sense 🙂